From the outside, society sees the typical high-performing career man and thinks he has it made. Great job, family, house…the entire dream. But what if it doesn’t feel like that on the inside?
This is a common phenomenon for anyone working in the tech/fintech industry. Everything looks great on paper, but it’s not. There’s something missing. You see others getting promotions at work which you deserve. You are told you need “executive presence”, but you’re not quite sure what that is. And you have that internal dialogue of not doing “enough”, but you aren’t sure what enough is.
Sound familiar? If so, you are likely suffering from limiting beliefs around who you are and what you can achieve. Thankfully, this isn’t a permanent condition. You can escape these beliefs that are holding you back and redefine what your life, work and family look like to you.
What are limiting beliefs?
A limiting belief is any state of mind, conviction, or belief that you hold about yourself which isn’t true and restricts you from taking risks or achieving your goals. Usually, these beliefs were developed when you were young or had trauma in your life which scared you, creating an emotional response for protection. These emotional responses don’t grow with you or take into consideration logic and context you understand better as an adult. Limiting beliefs aren’t true to who you are today, and do not serve you as you work towards the best version of yourself.
Think about your inner dialogue. You might be hearing phrases such as:
“Showing emotions at work is a sign of weakness. If you have them, you should ignore them.”
“Your job in the family is to bring home the paycheck. You’re not good at anything else.”
“You’re just like your father…he always screwed up. You will, too.”
Those are limiting beliefs, because none of them are specific to you or true to who you are as a person. Once you begin to recognize them, you will find yourself shocked at how much of your inner dialogue includes them!
How to eliminate limiting beliefs -
5 ways to get started
Now that you recognize the limiting beliefs in your life, turn your energy to escaping them. Here are the best ways to do that.
Now that you recognize the limiting beliefs in your life, turn your energy to escaping them. Here are the best ways to do that.
1. Write them down. Give yourself some time with pen and paper to explore what these beliefs are. Once you know what you are telling yourself frequently, you can begin the process of eliminating them.
2. Look for common themes. Are your limiting beliefs focused around particular areas, such as money, relationships, worthiness? Make a note of the areas you are struggling with the most. Chances are, you can recognize a pattern in why you tell yourself those stories.
3. Add in logic and context. In each of the items you wrote down, think about what is true for you today and write it next to the limiting belief. For example, maybe you were always told growing up that “at the critical moment, you always choke”. That may have happened once, and instead of recognizing it as a one-time experience, you took it on as an absolute.
In contrast, think of times in your life where you came through critical moments—when you gave a great presentation to leadership, when you passed your exams at school, when you became a parent for the first time. In those crucial moments, as an adult, you didn’t “choke”. So why are you still telling yourself that?
4. Write down statements of how you’d like to be instead. For example, change that “at the critical moment, you always choke” to “I believe in myself and my abilities to handle whatever comes to me.” Do that for every statement you wrote down. Change those statements to something affirmative which matches who you are now.
5. Repeat, repeat, repeat. As you go forth, you’ll tend to tell yourself those limiting beliefs even after you’ve gone through this exercise. Don’t fall for it! Review your list as many times as necessary. Repetition creates new neural pathways in your brain, which will give you extra reinforcement to avoid these negative stories and instead, go immediately to your new statement of who you are now.
Limiting beliefs gone for good
For many men, the drive to do more and be more is ingrained in your DNA. You might think these types of criticisms help you reach your goals or spur you to take action. Quite the opposite! These limiting beliefs hold you back more than they serve you. Aligning your beliefs with who you really are is critical so you stop losing time and energy trying to combat the negative voice in your head.
Now that you know a method for escaping limiting beliefs, get to work! Your limitless understanding of who you are at work, home, and life can be the steppingstone you need to get to a whole new level.
